Classroom Management 8. Build relationships

Building relationships with your students gives them an insentive to respect you, and to work for you.  It is also alleviates difficulty with classroom management. 

Building relationships can be tricky.  The key is to maintain a balance between authority figure and caring adult. 

You don’t have to buy the kids ice cream and throw them parties and let them drive your car to make them feel like you care about them.  Adversely, you don’t have to be the Ice Queen of Narnia to let them know you’re in charge.  It IS okay to smile and be friendly, as long as you are firm when necessary. 

It is so important to create boundaries.  I know.  Sometimes this seems like common sense.  It is a nice little reminder, though, because just when we think something is common sense, someone texts nude photos and it is all over the news. 

An experienced teacher knows how to create boundaries and can make jokes with the class while maintaining order.  For some, this takes years to master.  And others have learned it by enduring a few hard knocks.

Healthy student-teacher relationship building tips

·         Stand at the door and greet them when they enter every day

·         Encourage them to respond to you when you say hello

·         Respond positively to something they write

·         Compliment them politely on a new hair cut, new shoes, or an outfit

·         Use positive reinforcement

·         Treat all students equally

·         Frequently contact parents: monthly newsletters, positive phone calls home, emails, etc…

·         Have a professional website or blog that you update daily or weekly, and allows parents and students to contact you through emails.

·         Attend plays, choir concerts, sporting events…  congratulate students for a job well done

·         Refuse to allow students to speak negatively to or about each other

 Things to avoid

·          Friending them on Facebook

·         Picking favorites… or appearing as though you pick favorites

·         Engaging in conversation that is too personal

·         Allowing them to talk negatively about your colleagues

·         Bantering and joking

·         Letting them contribute to rule making

Classroom Management 7: Questions?

Good leaders know when to direct, manage, control, govern, and command. And they also know when to listen. Teachers are quintessential leaders. They can inspire, motivate, support, and encourage. And they are confident that they know what’s best for their students. It is important to remember that sometimes listening is an effective classroom management technique that enables you to peacefully enforce discipline.

Why Substitute Questions for Commands?
1. It makes the students feel like you are interested in their learning rather than ruling them.
2. It reduces the feeling students sometimes have that they are always getting yelled at.
3. Students don’t feel accused when they may have a legitimate excuse.
4. Using questions creates a bi-way element of respect: teacher-student and student-teacher.
5. It maintains a calm, peaceful and safe classroom setting.
6. You won’t be as exhausted, frustrated and angry at the end of the day.

Tips for Using Questions in the Classroom:

Instead of 
“Joe, will you please stop talking and get to work?”
Try
“Joe, do you have a question?”

Instead of
“All of you need to get seated and start working.”
Try
“Who can show me what we should be doing right now?"

Instead of
“Sally, get to work”
Try
“Sally, what are you working on?”

Instead of 
 "I need everyone to get in line and get quiet.”
Try
“Who can tell me how I like my students to line up?”

Instead of
“Joe, get back in your seat.”
Try
“Joe, can I help you with something?”

Instead of
“If you don’t turn in your homework you will get a zero.”
Try
“How can I help you remember to turn in your homework? Can I remind you to write it down? Would you like me to email your parents to help you remember?”

Classroom Management 6: The Power of the Look

Teachers’ dirty looks are notorious. Kids sing songs about them as they toss their notebooks into the air and race away from school property in droves. Teachers’ looks are dirty. And effective.

The key is to use direct eye contact, and maintain a stoic, expressionless composure.

Sally handed me a forged document. I knew it was forged immediately. I crouched down next to her desk, looked her directly in the eyes, and in a low, calm tone asked if this really was her mom’s signature. “No,” she fessed up shamefacedly.

Not only can a look from across the room be a quietly effective way to keep Johnny from distracting Joe and trying to make him laugh while everyone is peacefully working, but it can also be an effective way to manage a classroom and subtly gain respect.

Tips for using "The Look" to manage a class

• Look a student dead in the eye while speaking to him about something serious, or while he or she is misbehaving. Sometimes, you don’t even need to say anything at all. That look may be just enough.

• When a class is not paying attention or there is a bit of ruckus afoot, stop, stand in front of the room, and make eye contact with students. Gaze over the crowd and say nothing. They usually stop or hush each other. Works like magic.

• When a student says something that could potentially create an argument or disrupt class or is just downright silly, look him or her in the eyes. Be expressionless. The behavior always stops, and sometimes they may even apologize.

• When a student says, “what?” or “I wasn’t doing anything” when he or she meets your gaze, simply reply with a question such as, “Do you have a question about something?” or “What are you working on?” Or reply with a statement such as “I didn’t say you were doing anything. Are you feeling guilty about something?”

Classroom Management 5: Whisper Loudly

COME IN TO CLASS! GET SEATED! TAKE OUT YOUR WORK! AND DO IT QUIETLY!!!!!!

Sound familiar?

Yelling can be effective. It can push you to work harder and respect authority. In boot camp. Or in training to be an Army Ranger. Or a Navy Seal. In all three of those cases, getting yelled at is what you sign up for. Volunteer for.

Kids don’t volunteer to get yelled at in a classroom. Yet, we’ve all known teachers like that. Some of us are guilty of running the classroom like a drill sergeant- commanding kids to learn metaphor and simile in the trenches, and like it. In my early years in the profession, I, too, am guilty of donning a forest green jacket decorated with multi-colored bars and a rapier at my belt.

At five feet, three inches and one hundred and fifteen pounds, that getup was way too big for me. And laughable.  It took me a while to learn that talking to kids calmly and in conversational tones commands respect much, much more than any sort of elevated voice ever did.

Concerns and Solutions:

How to effectively use conversational tones in the classroom

• “If I don’t yell, the kids won’t respect my authority.”

Actually, they will respect you more if you don’t yell. Talking to them in calm, conversational tones makes them feel like you respect them. And, in turn, they will enjoy learning from you and work hard to meet your expectations.

• “If I don’t yell, they won’t hear me.”

They will hear you better when they have to strain to hear you. It keeps them focused. An effective way to reach students is to talk to them conversationally. Not only in the classroom is this effective, but also in the halls, courtyard, and lunch room. Walking to a group of students and telling them they should get to class is just as effective as shouting at them from across the way: “GET TO CLASS!” The difference is, if you calmly talk to them, students are more likely to listen to you the first time, and respect you, and (bonus) you are less likely to get frustrated and angry that they aren’t listening to you.

• “If I don’t yell, they won’t learn.”

I have come home parched and raspy and exhausted from a day of teaching. I used to teach my classroom as though I were on a stage, vocalizing loud enough to reach the back of the auditorium. Not only was I reaching the back of the classroom, but I was also reaching the back of the hallway. If you walk down the hall of your school during your planning hour, can you hear a cacophony of lessons vibrating the concrete blocks of the walls? The fact is, students will learn better in a calm environment. They feel safe. Teachers don’t have to perform for them to get and keep their attention as long as the lessons are focused and the classroom is effectively managed. In other words, talk less. Find ways to make your lessons more student-based rather than teacher-based.

• “I need students to be quiet while others are working.”

If you whisper, they will whisper back. It will keep your class quiet.
Try this: A student raises his hand and asks for help in a loud tone. Whisper your response and see what happens. The student should whisper back to you.

*Another helpful hint*

If a student is getting frustrated, angry or loud, lower your voice to calm the situation.

Classroom Managament 4: Thwart Argument

Go to YouTube. Type in “student and teacher argue.” Peruse some of the videos. Ingest something to calm your nerves, then come back to this blog and read on.

What did you observe?

I know. It is really scary that current technology allows students to video and display classroom events on the Internet for all to see. Really scary. There is a litany of things we could discuss from those horrific scenes, but let’s focus on the classroom management aspect of it.

In any of those videos, was learning the focus of the argument? Was the teacher taken seriously? Did the teacher, though seemingly steeped in years in the profession, have the classroom under control? Who “won” the argument? Who always seemed to have the last word?

On one hand, the students are disrespectful, rude, and out of control. On the other hand, in some cases, the teacher not only perpetuated the arguing, but also instigated it. Adolescents will test, defy, and disrespect any teacher. It is part of their development.  (And no matter how much we would like to think "we were never that way," we all went through it.  It's just that now there is YouTube.  And lawsuits.)  Nonetheless, a teacher can command respect and maintain classroom discipline without assuming the character of an eighteenth century naval captain.

How to thwart arguing (and ultimately avoid becoming a spectacle on YouTube):

1. If a student is disruptive, send him or her out of class and continue your instruction. To avoid arguing even further in this instance, use a calm voice, and repeat yourself by saying something like, “Student, I’d like you take your things to the office until the end of class, please,” until he stops saying things such as “Why?” Or “I wasn’t the only one talking.” Or “This is stupid.”

2. Confront the student about his or her behavior privately. This will eliminate his opportunity to win laughs from the students by continuing the argument. AND, he is less likely to argue with you without witnesses.

3. Remain calm. Talk in a calm tone. Yelling and getting fired up is entertaining to students. They will want to see more. And put it on YouTube.

4. Avoid sarcasm, putting the students down, and bantering. This just eggs them on and erases student-teacher boundaries. AND, gives them an opportunity to get you to deviate from instruction.

5. Avoid arguing about current events, or issues about politics, religion, etc… Teachers are meant to present material and teach free thinking. Give them resources to form opinions for themselves. That way they will have informed opinions without your influence.

6. Eliminate the opportunity for the student to advance the argument or to have the last word by replying with empathetic phrases.
For example:
Student: “I wasn’t late.”
Teacher: “I’m sorry. School rules state that coming in after the bell indicates that you are late. Unfortunately I’m going to have to give you detention.”
Student: “This is stupid!”
Teacher: “I know it feels that way.”
Student: “That’s really unfair!”
Teacher: “I know. I’m sorry.”

7. Use hand motions and non-verbal communication.  For example, instead of asking a student to be quiet, make eye contact and put your finger to your lips.  Instead of asking a student to get to work, point to his desk to indicate that his attention should be there.  Sometimes saying nothing and looking students dead in the eyes is enough to make them apologize. Staring contests are very effective. 

8. If a student is being disrespectful, tell him or her about it. Again, using a calm voice and doing it without an audience is always key. (Sometimes an audience can be effective.  Pick your battles wisely.) Let him or her know that you don’t appreciate his behavior. For example: "Talking back to me like this is very rude, and I don’t appreciate it at all."  Or “When you disrupt the class I feel very disrespected. I’m guessing that you would be okay with a referral or a phone call home to your parents about your behavior?” Or“When you don’t turn in your homework, I feel worried that your grade is going to suffer. I’m guessing you are okay with taking a zero?”

9. Ask questions and use “show me” statements instead of commands: Instead of “I have told you repeatedly that you need to come in quietly, get seated, and work on your journal.” Say, “What should you be doing when you enter the room?” or “Who wants to show me what I expect you to do when you come to class?”

10. Effective lesson planning and organization is paramount. Make sure kids know your expectations, and hold them responsible. For example, a student can’t argue with you that he didn’t know that there was homework when you posted it in your classroom as well as on your website or blog. However, avoid holding them responsible for things you didn’t tell them or assumed they should have known. Also, keep your lessons focused. Do not allow students an opportunity to goof off with idle time. Keep them interacting with you and engaged in the lesson. Avoid allowing them to deviate from the lesson.

Classroom management 3: Chill Out!

It is important to remember that your relationship with your students should provide a safe environment for those times when emotions run high. A safe environment to talk about it, and be forgiving.
Sometimes emotions get heated in the classroom. A kid can be so disruptive and disrespectful that you want to really “put him in his place.” Not only does this reduce you to adolescent behavior, but it also creates tension with you, that student, and the others. Without emotional safety, not only are you at risk of losing mutual respect, but also students are reluctant to learn from you.
So, what do you do when a kid is outrageously disruptive?

• Step 1: Send him or her out of the room
In a calm voice, even though you’re screaming inside and your face is red hot, tell the student to leave the room. If the student argues, e.g. he says things such as “Why?” or “I didn’t do anything,” continue to repeat yourself with a calm voice. Usually the student will leave and follow the procedure. If he is particularly obstinate, involve the administration. Have a spot set up in another teacher’s room, and communicate your procedure with her so that she can support you.
Avoid allowing the student any more opportunities to disrupt class. It is more important for you to focus your instruction for the other students who are behaving correctly. Don’t waste class time on disciplining. You do not have to tolerate any disruptions. Remember to be calm, composed and respectful.

Step 2: Set up a procedure for self-reflection
Adults, after years of practice, have learned how to be introspective and take ownership of our behavior. Kids, on the other hand, need to be taught how to do that. Otherwise, it becomes a “my teacher is picking on me” game. One way to do this is to have students fill out a reflection sheet with questions when you send them out. How can you ensure the student fills it out? Set up a time for a one-on-one discussion later that day. Avoid wordiness. Give clear, concise directives.

• Step 3: Set up a procedure for a safe discussion
It is important to allow yourself and your student time to cool off. Reflective discussions cannot be effective if you or the student is still angry. However, avoid putting the conversation off longer than two days. Remember to use a calm, peaceful voice when discussing. Apologize if there was a misunderstanding. Guide the student to self-reflect. Discuss why his or her behavior is impolite, disruptive, or hurtful. Give appropriate consequences such as apologizing to another student, phone call to parents, etc… Thank the student for being honest and sharing his or her feelings, no matter how scathing to you they are. Recognize, too, that sometimes our actions cause a student to behave a certain way. Remember to take responsibility for your own actions and apologize, or even change your own behavior, if the situation calls for it.

• Step 4: Let the student know that all is forgiven the next day.
Give the student a smile, pat on the back, or compliment on a new pair of shoes. Or, let the student know that you noticed that he or she is trying extra hard to eliminate the behavior you talked about yesterday. Tell him or her you are proud.

• Step 5: If a student is a repeat-offender, there is a bigger problem amiss.
It should take only one conference with a student to eliminate any behavior problems. This procedure endorses mutual respect. Students feel safe and cared for. This is a procedure that is meant to avoid an office referral. However, if a student seems to continue the behavior, or more problems arise, go to a new level: get in touch with parents, administration, and school councilors, and get them involved. Sometimes the problem is beyond what you can handle alone. Furthermore, use discretion. Fighting, swearing, severe disrespect and dangerous behavior are not minor class disruptions and should not be dealt with by using this procedure. Send the student directly to the office or call for help and write a referral.

Effective Discussion Tips:
1. Use a calm tone. Yelling defeats the purpose of a “discussion.”
2. Discuss each of the reflection questions with the student. Read the question and the student’s answer aloud, and respond.
3. Look at how the student felt about the situation and address his feelings. For example, you can apologize to the student for how he felt: “I’m sorry you got angry about this.”
4. Tell the student how you felt about the situation. Let him know that his words or actions made you feel angry or hurt. Give him an opportunity to explain himself or apologize.
5. Apologize if you were at fault. Sometimes it is so hard to acknowledge you were in the wrong. As teachers, we feel like we are always in control and the students are always the ones who behave badly. At times, however, students misbehave because of something we did.
6. Apologize if there was a miscommunication error and explain yourself. Often students get angry with us and lash out when they misinterpret what we say or do. Explain yourself and let the student know that you didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. Let him know that you feel badly for how he misinterpreted it.
7. Guide the student to self-reflect. If he is unsure how to better handle the situation, give him two or three options to choose from for next time. If he is unsure why his behavior is disruptive or hurtful, explain in a calm tone the consequences of his actions.
8. Be sure to make the student feel like you care.
9. Give the student opportunities to talk. Listen to what he has to say. Avoid a one-sided conversation.
10. Accept his apology and thank him for being honest about his feelings.
11. Be firm with any consequences he may have incurred.

Sample Procedure
The following example is a procedure used in an 8th grade classroom. My teaching team put our heads together and created this plan which is a little more organized, and a little more mature than the ordinary “time out.” We called it, “chill out.”
We posted this list of procedures in the classroom and also put it on our syllabus. On the first day of school, we discussed the procedure with the students so that the students knew the expectations and were able to execute them with few disruptions. We put a clipboard with a pen attached at the back of the room near the door. When a student became disruptive and argumentative, we simply told the student to take the clipboard to the designated “chill out” room.
Each teacher on the team had a desk at the back of the classroom where the “chill out” procedures were posted. The desk had a stack of novels that the students could read to keep busy until the end of class. Sometimes the student was too angry to read, or was engaged in deep thought. We didn’t pressure the student to “stay busy” as long as he or she was not disruptive. Sometimes kids, like adults, just need time to work out their anger, or to reflect.
The student stayed in the “chill out” room until the end of class. Then the student took the completed “chill out” reflection sheet to the teacher, handed in any assignments that were collected, retrieved his things, and came back at the end of the day for a teacher/student discussion. This procedure allowed the teacher and the student time to reflect and cool off. Once feelings level out, both teacher and student can have a very effective discussion.

This list of procedures was posted in the classrooms and appeared on the syllabus. Each team teacher had the same “Chill Out Procedures.”

Chill Out Procedures:

1.  Your teacher will give you a signal to go to the designated CHILL OUT room.

2. Silently take the clipboard with attached pen.

3. Walk to the CHILL OUT room directly and quietly enter. (Disrupting the class in session will result in an immediate referral to the office).

4.  Think, reflect and write.  When finished, you will read a provided SSR book.

5.  At the bell, return to your class and hand your teacher the completed reflection and clipboard.  Hand in any assignments that were due.

6.  After the last period of the day, return to conference with your teacher.

7. Consequences:

a.       Phone call home

b.      Missed work is due

c.       Make apologies when necessary

This worksheet was photocopied on yellow paper and placed on the clipboard.

Mrs. Smith's Chill Out Worksheet

1.       Go to Mrs. Green’s room. Enter the room quietly.  (Disrupting her class will result in a referral).

2.       Think, reflect and write.  Fill out the following worksheet.  When finished, choose a novel on the chill out desk.

3.       Stay in Mrs. Green’s room until the end of class.

4.       At the bell, hand this completed worksheet to Mrs. Smith.

5.       Hand in any assignments that were collected.

6.       After today’s last class, return to Mrs. Smith for a teacher/student conference.

7.       Consequences:

a.        Phone call home

b.       Missed work is due

c.        Make apologies when necessary

1.  From your point of view, explain what happened in detail.

2. How do you feel about what happened?  Explain why.

3.  Explain what happened from your teacher’s point of view.  How do you think she interpreted the situation?  How do you think she feels?

4.  How would you have handled the situation differently? In other words, what would have been the right thing to do?

5.  What will you do to avoid the situation next time?